This blog has changed a lot from what I expected it to be when I started it. Granted, I haven't been posting things for long, but back at the beginning I envisioned this to be used as an extension of my shop, sharks keep moving, and to showcase what I was doing or what inspired me. It's rolled into more of, and I don't like this expression, a "lifestyle blog", which is fine, but I feel like I need to put some things out there because lately I am noticing that a lot of people expect to be transported into a land without worry when they look at someone's personal life, and that is not who I am or what my life is.
First, let me say this: I am passionate. I am driven by my goals and what lies in my heart. I don't believe in giving up without a fight, if you have to give up at all. Since I was 12 years old, I have been battling something, more often than not it has revolved around being in a hospital, and this has hardened me, humbled me, and made me reconsider what is important and crucial in my life. On the flip side of this, I come from a place where I did not receive a particularly stellar support network throughout my initial growing period, which makes me weary of personality types and sometimes people in general. I have very, very bad post traumatic stress disorder, which has lead to 15+ years of struggling through depression and anxiety. Thankfully I have a number of individuals who have shown me how much good exists in the human realm, and I am slowly but surely evolving my emotions. Depression is an extremely complex and scary crisis that gets a terrible wrap because it is miscommunicated and made fun of, and I often find myself reading people's blogs who claim they are only willing to see the "positive side of things", which is great, but I feel that is doing a disservice to people with a genuine and troublesome medical condition. I am a realist. I take pride in my rational thinking and my ability to make good judgements. But I am human, and if I want or need to express myself as I am, sad or lonely or nostalgic or happy, I will do so, and I don't care if that doesn't paint a beautiful picture of shuffling around my home on cold Oregon days, drawing to my heart's content while pretending like bad things don't happen to good people.
There has been a surprising amount of traffic coming to my blog, I have no idea how people find it or how much they read, but I want to say this to those of you who do:
I will only ever be truthful with you. This is my place to share myself, so you will not get a sugar coated reality. I am lucky to experience wonderful things, go to amazing places that I save up to visit, and take photos to share on my blog. I am also going to share how I feel, because I need somewhere to put it, when for so long I was on my own with my emotions and thoughts. These feelings will be a mixture of good and bad, happy and sad, complex and blunt. If that makes people uncomfortable, I urge you to strongly look inside of yourself and evaluate what it means for someone to be genuinely open to a group of complete strangers. We, all of us, need a support network, someone who understands. If anyone finds they can relate to the highs and lows of my life, that is wonderful. This blog is here for me to write as much as it is for you, the reader, to experience.
All I can hope for is that my truth and passion builds a stronger sense of camaraderie amongst strangers (and we don't have to be strangers, I am nice, feel free to say hello) while getting to know myself better, while showcasing the things that make me smile, while sharing my pictures, as well as my hopes and dreams and loves.
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