Perfect Outfit

For someone who loves sun, I sure do like the look and feel of being bundled up. Scotch & Soda is featuring what has got to be the perfect fall/winter/Portland look.

Blue Nile

Needing to get out of the house, clear my mind, I thought I'd head somewhere I haven't been in four years, even though I work only a half mile away: the International Rose Test Garden. Portland is home to the United States' oldest public garden, and boy is it beautiful. If you ever visit in the summer, you must visit the gardens. Even though I'm not a huge fan of roses, I prefer tiny flowers & ground cover, there are a few varietals here that are seriously brilliant; incredibly sweet fragrance, clean and innocent. Plus the names of some are adorable: Nina Simone, Strike It Rich, Judy Garland, Iceberg, Just Joey, First Kiss... the list goes on and on. My personal favorite, the last photo, is the Blue Nile - a soft blue/purple rose that smells like candy. Candy!
All the color is unbelievable. Today was pretty overcast, it even rained a little while I was up in the hills, which worked in my favor since it made all the beautiful corals, peaches and violets pop against the green foliage.

Helsinki

In ten days I fly across the pond to Europe, landing in Denmark, then Helsinki. First Euro/Scandinavian trip in my life, and even though I am struggling to cope with the news I talked about in my last post, I am getting a little excited. Four days ago I didn't want to leave at all, I wanted to hide under the covers and wake up from a bad dream (which I still wish would happen). Speaking with Alan last night, the friend I'm visiting in Helsinki, lifted my spirits a bit after talking about finding love in life, make it ours, finding our homes.

This month has held a lot of firsts for me. There is a once in a lifetime opportunity possibly looming on the horizon, but I don't want to write about it in the event that my hopes get up. I can't handle another blow this soon in the game. All the bits of my body that can be crossed are crossed, let's just say that.

I'm hoping with Finland & Sweden on the horizon that the time away will help, if not heal a little. I don't think what's happened in the last week can be healed, but I think having a position to look at life objectively from afar may help. I'll be immersed in one of the most beautiful cultures in the world, surrounded by languages I only understand a little of, and will hopefully venture into the Arctic Circle for some complete solitude and quiet. Documenting this I think will start a door opening to beauty again & I'll share the experience here. Images will fill me up again. I know it.

A phone call in a car.

Today is the most heartbreaking day of my life. Some devastating news coming from back east regarding my parents, the house I grew up in, everything my life was for 17 years. And I don't think that I can handle it, unfortunately. Two grief counselors have been contacted but if anyone has a recommendation for someone to talk to in Portland, please share.

I'll probably be gone from blogging & Twitter for a while. I've temporarily disabled my shop, but feel free to contact me in the meantime if there are any questions about it, or orders. There is simply too much in my life that over the course of an hour turned upside down, I will need to step away from this part of my life for a little while.
I hope you understand.

Obsessed with Owen the cat. The last few months we have become best friends - he even wants to go on a walk with me every day.

This mimicking of a slinky, though, I don't know what's going on here. Ha. Best furry friend, but I still love Buttons and Kitty too. It is impossible to get the three of them in the same photograph.

I've been a busy little booger around here; practicing my Finnish & Swedish before I leave in (less than!) 3 weeks, making new things for the shop, tons to do today, no time to write, but here are some pictures!

I hope everyone had an amazing weekend!

The sea the sea the sea.

It's fair to say that one of the things that runs through my head most these days is "I've forgotten who I am." When was I truly happy as me? What made that feeling real? Time and the responsibilities of getting by have left me forgetting the simple life I lead in New Zealand; days and nights filled with the sea, a garden and a tiny little town. Surfing sunup to sundown every day. That was when I was happy. A big golden globe hovering until ten in the evening and turning the sky to fire. At the time I was too young & naive to appreciate everything I had, but nothing could ever compare to how fulfilling life was when I'd walk to the cliffs and watch the Tasman roll in, and now I know the wealth I once held.

The sea is my home. I was born on water, grew up on water - it is my comfort, my resting place, the thing I find most familiar. "My happy place" if J.M. Barrie were around to ask. It demands you be humble and in tune. This is where I need to go back to. Portland is a great place, I live with fantastic friends, but tugging of your guts, on your heart - after several years away the honeymoon is over and it's time to face the life changes ahead. All week long odd signs from several directions are pointing toward the same place, calling me home and telling me happiness takes risks to survive.
I consider myself lucky to have this pulling me and have come up with a handful of new ideas to turn into tangible objects very soon. Those tangible objects factor in to the fulfilling life I envision for myself, and sharing creations with other people makes you swell with pride and a sense of accomplishment.
Fingers crossed I can get them out into the world before I cross the big blue Atlantic for Scandinavia.

1. Hayden Danger 2. Jack De La Mare 3. Mattias Parchettka