Mystery roll

Pawing around the box I keep of important stuff, I found a roll of film that had been finished and stashed inside. Considering I am the most impatient person I know, it seemed odd that I'd finish a roll without getting it processed immediately. A lot of excitement comes from a roll you aren't sure what is, and on Friday night I discovered it was from my Diana Mini. Inspecting it I just can't seem to figure out where some of the photos were taken. It's old stuff, from late summer through fall of 2010. Some are from Eau Claire, Wisconsin (yes, where Bon Iver hails from), some are of P.'s wedding, some are Oregon, and some are pure mystery.

Little guys

I've been so distracted. The sun's been out, there's more time on the water, I have projects to finish that don't revolve around a shop or photographing it for the internet. It's so easy for me to forget to do things for myself instead of only to share with others. M will be home mid-March, the anticipation is killing me. The first few days of January feel like they were a year ago, yet I haven't accomplished much of anything while he's been away. Ah well. There is only room ahead to improve.

Got some news that one of the people I admire most in the sailing world, Nick Jaffe, is having some breakthroughs with a documentary he made about singlehanding from Europe all the way home to Australia. I doubt many of the people reading this are after sailing tidbits (though if you are, please speak up!), but there's something really special about Nick Jaffe that isn't what you "typically" see in this realm of sport and lifestyle. First and foremost, he isn't a rich white middle aged guy with a super-yacht. He's my age, he wasn't some decorated sailor of the year, he didn't even have insurance on his boat when he set sail on his adventure. He wasn't cocky, he wasn't trying to win anyone over. He was going to sail home because he wanted to. So he did.

Constellation in English Harbour, Antigua.


Sighting Australia after 2 years, 3 months sailing from Europe.

In sailing, from my perspective, all the glossy tropical magazines, popular websites full of models in bikinis in unrealistic settings, Puma Racing videos, Americas Cup commercials - they all give off a very sleek, untouchable vibe that dominates this community. Sure, it is a massive percentage of sailing the world over. But behind all the glittery business and million dollar catamarans, are all the little guys. The people who sail because their home is the sea, or they're desiring adventure, maybe they're searching for something and the waves are calling them in. Maybe they're doing it simply because they love it. Maybe it's all of those things. But it's not always pretty. Sometimes it's fucking terrifying, it can be lonely and isolated, it's wet, it smells, and let's not forget that sailing is hard work. You versus Nature.

So that's why I like Nick, because he's a little guy, like me. Except I'm just a baby sailor. I like when he made his journey, and decided to make a documentary out of it, he didn't flutter around as if he were cruising in luxury, he didn't exude any pompous tendencies. He showed his truth, alone in the middle of nowhere. Some of his videos are funny, and they all possess a beautiful quality about them. A few of them made me cry for various reasons, some of which don't deserve words.

When I think about wanting to sail around the world, the emotion that crosses my mind most, other than longing, is fear. What if I get hurt? What if my symptoms get worse and I can't move my limbs? What if some rogue wave sinks us? How on earth is the girl who is afraid of the dark going to cope in the blackness of night on the open sea?
I could make a list that would stretch for miles, full of "what-if"s. But I don't, because I don't know, and nobody can. So instead, the sense of longing is overwhelming. Longing can mean so many positive things. When will I see my first whale? What will it look like the first morning I'm offshore while the sun rises? There must be at least a dozen ways to make quinoa more interesting? How many gorgeous photographs will I get to take?

The reality of all these things is what stands out in my eyes as making Nick a truly inspiring sailor. Someone who is brave enough to try and humble enough to be in awe. The documentary he and Jack Rath have put together, Between Home, is bound to be awesome, and it deserves the acclaim after working on it for a long time. Even if you're not interested in sailing or the sea, there is a tremendous amount that can be learned about love from a young guy alone in the middle of the ocean. I'm so excited.

Sea side

60º and sunny along the coast recently. Trying out a new (old) camera with some old film, and pretty happy with the results.

The Penalty

This is the song I'll be playing in April for the wedding of two sweet friends. I'm excited and nervous. Zach Condon is a ukulele genius, not to mention a dreamboat.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to lose my fingertips practicing until then, but it makes me happy and will make them smile.

Second class citizens

Please visit Ryan Yezak’s Kickstarter campaign entitled “Second Class Citizens”, a documentary focusing on the discrimination faced by the gay community in America. Why am I posting this? Because “being gay” doesn’t make anyone less worthy of their civil rights than I am. Because I have friends who are gay, people who I love. Because being gay is not what defines a human being. This is a documentary about discrimination against human beings. All persons born into this world deserve equal rights, regardless of their sexual orientation, their gender, the color of their skin, their religious affiliation, their lifestyle choices, their socioeconomic status, and an endless list of words that have segregated human beings around the world for thousands of years. I urge everyone who can afford to make a donation, even as small as five dollars, put forth your heart into this campaign so that it has a broader viewing audience and can be shown in the places where it is needed most - across all cities, and towns, in living rooms, on rooftops, in youth centers, and churches, and classrooms. There is no excuse for hate and discrimination. Ever. Please help be part of a new civil rights movement that effects everyone, and pass this on.

More information here:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ryanjamesyezak/second-class-citizens-documentary

Yo extraño México.

Yo extraño México. Los más amable, la gente más feliz de mi estancia allí hizo tan especial. He estado soñando con selvas, las pirámides, paletas, los días soleados, y la aventura. Me encanta alli y espero volver pronto.

i) El Calle de Los Muertos con La Piramide del Sol, ii) el niño con la sonrisa
iii) cien años de antigüedad en Chichén Itzá, iv) el mar en Bacalar
v) la selva, vi) Calakmul

I am still a terrible updater-er with the blog because I am swamped with stuff to do, so to hold everyone over here are some pictures I've taken of cats that I like a whole lot, Kitty, Pretzel, and Buttons.

Your own portable RyGoz

Just in time for the holidays, for the uh, tween in your family. Or you and your friends. Or your mom. Really anyone who appreciates a handsome man with a loving, far off gaze. Take ol' Ryan Gosling on the date of your dreams. Available in the shop here.

Beluga!

New Beluga whale illustrations that'll become buttons tomorrow, they'll be loaded into the shop Thursday. Excited about these adorable little guys!

November 9

It'd be silly to only write as therapy when I am feeling crappy, so I'm writing this now feeling content and relieved for the first time in weeks. Listening to "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley & singing along fairly loud, so sorry Rachael/Shawna/PP if you're home and can hear me right now. Ha!
Waking up and spending the day with friends who drove all through the night and across two states to visit where you live, only to be greeted by two lovely ladies outside the door on our way out for coffee, was an amazing way to start the day. With Matt out of town, who is my normal sounding board & probably-hesitant-therapist, all my troubles have been welling up inside. Being able to laugh all day long and get things accomplished, screenprinting new ideas, having a nice chat with the woman at the post office, riding my bike without pain, and ending the night with two incredible friends who make me smile nonstop while eating delicious food was so... ideal? This is the way I want life to be always, and I am beyond thankful for the first day of stress free living since July.

The holidays have been on my mind a lot, so I've created a Pinterest board dedicated to some beauties I wouldn't mind finding under a tree, and thought I'd share a few with everyone. Hard to believe it's almost that time of year again (my favorite time of year!).


Haven't stopped thinking about these tiny triangle rings by Stone & Honey


Gorgeous hand knit mittens dyed with forest plants & herbs from Bergslagsgatan


Scout & Catalogue is one of my favorite shops & I love the rose color of this pouch


These would be a breeze to make but I'm too lazy, so I'll leave it up to Junglai


My bear obsession will never end. I've been dying to buy this print by Erin Gilkes for so long


Sarah McNeil is a really nice girl who draws amazing, adorable things & I think she is pretty swell


And to top off all of these amazing things, Lomography finally made a 35mm film video camera, the Lomokino which is horribly tempting, I don't know if I can refrain from buying this even though I'm broke, oh my god.

Making lists like this is super dangerous for me because I will drop money on all of these if I don't stop drooling at the computer screen. Update very soon on the new products for the shop, I'm excited!

November 7

Busy busy busy. Things coming up:
• shop update with new illustrations, stationery, and a RYAN GOSLING TOTE BAG
• yes, RYAN GOSLING on a bag you can take places, like the beach on dates, with Ryan Gosling. mmmhmmmm!
• I'll be hosting a shop giveaway, but need to get my act together, the family crisis continues and gets worse, but I'm trying to keep my chin up and barrel through
• til then I leave you with a beautiful cover of The Knife's "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez who has me swoony. I hope that everyone is well.

Ólafur Arnalds

Earlier today I came across an Icelandic musician named Ólafur Arnalds, who writes the most beautiful music. His friends play with him on some of my favorite instruments, cello, violin, and viola. I trained in classical music on the viola from ages eight to eighteen, and have continued playing since then. My entire life I've wished to be in a musical group like this one, playing delicate sounds that transport people to a place that is filled with comfort, and intrigues their hearts. Classical music is highly underrated in my age group I think (20s), but it gives me chills every time I play it or listen to a famous prelude. This song literally stopped me in my tracks as I was working around the house. Visit his website here if you're interested in hearing more.



The funniest part of all this was finding this video on Vimeo ages ago, and saving it as "that one beautiful music video", and accidentally deleting the link. Of course it would come full circle and find its way back into my life. There really are no words for this other than stunning.

to strive, to seek, to find.

When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?

An open letter to the internet.

This blog has changed a lot from what I expected it to be when I started it. Granted, I haven't been posting things for long, but back at the beginning I envisioned this to be used as an extension of my shop, sharks keep moving, and to showcase what I was doing or what inspired me. It's rolled into more of, and I don't like this expression, a "lifestyle blog", which is fine, but I feel like I need to put some things out there because lately I am noticing that a lot of people expect to be transported into a land without worry when they look at someone's personal life, and that is not who I am or what my life is.

First, let me say this: I am passionate. I am driven by my goals and what lies in my heart. I don't believe in giving up without a fight, if you have to give up at all. Since I was 12 years old, I have been battling something, more often than not it has revolved around being in a hospital, and this has hardened me, humbled me, and made me reconsider what is important and crucial in my life. On the flip side of this, I come from a place where I did not receive a particularly stellar support network throughout my initial growing period, which makes me weary of personality types and sometimes people in general. I have very, very bad post traumatic stress disorder, which has lead to 15+ years of struggling through depression and anxiety. Thankfully I have a number of individuals who have shown me how much good exists in the human realm, and I am slowly but surely evolving my emotions. Depression is an extremely complex and scary crisis that gets a terrible wrap because it is miscommunicated and made fun of, and I often find myself reading people's blogs who claim they are only willing to see the "positive side of things", which is great, but I feel that is doing a disservice to people with a genuine and troublesome medical condition. I am a realist. I take pride in my rational thinking and my ability to make good judgements. But I am human, and if I want or need to express myself as I am, sad or lonely or nostalgic or happy, I will do so, and I don't care if that doesn't paint a beautiful picture of shuffling around my home on cold Oregon days, drawing to my heart's content while pretending like bad things don't happen to good people.

There has been a surprising amount of traffic coming to my blog, I have no idea how people find it or how much they read, but I want to say this to those of you who do:
I will only ever be truthful with you. This is my place to share myself, so you will not get a sugar coated reality. I am lucky to experience wonderful things, go to amazing places that I save up to visit, and take photos to share on my blog. I am also going to share how I feel, because I need somewhere to put it, when for so long I was on my own with my emotions and thoughts. These feelings will be a mixture of good and bad, happy and sad, complex and blunt. If that makes people uncomfortable, I urge you to strongly look inside of yourself and evaluate what it means for someone to be genuinely open to a group of complete strangers. We, all of us, need a support network, someone who understands. If anyone finds they can relate to the highs and lows of my life, that is wonderful. This blog is here for me to write as much as it is for you, the reader, to experience.

All I can hope for is that my truth and passion builds a stronger sense of camaraderie amongst strangers (and we don't have to be strangers, I am nice, feel free to say hello) while getting to know myself better, while showcasing the things that make me smile, while sharing my pictures, as well as my hopes and dreams and loves.

October 19

I've been in bed with the flu for about a week, and my body is stiff and sick of laying around! This morning at 5am, despite my body saying "no!", I cast Matt off into the world again for another exciting adventure, he's headed east for a while. I haven't been able to fall asleep since, so in my jealous ways, I began looking up beautiful travel videos, or rather, lifestyle videos that aren't from America. Even though this one is an ad, I am completely in love with everything happening here, the bicycles, the confused cop, eating on top of a roof you're not supposed to. It sincerely makes me miss Helsinki and that magical feeling of being young and free.



It is possibly my curse for always being sentimental, but speaking with my sister the other day made me remember more travel is in my future, maybe Cambodia with a dear friend from France, or Guatemala! We'd be well off there as I speak Spanish! There is a very tropical allure calling from Cambodia though. And now that I mentioned the idea, my sister is set on taking a trip to Iceland together, which I will never, ever say no to. It's those little hopes that make watching videos like the Evertale one so exciting.

October 13

I really love collecting illustrations from my friends & certain illustrators I've discovered thanks to Etsy, but when it comes to big things to hang on the walls, I prefer photography. Luckily I know some incredibly talented photographers, one of them being one of my favorite people on earth, and so I have amassed a nice collection of large things hanging around the house. I'm finding in myself that I am more interested in photographs that possess a dreamy quality, mostly landscapes and seascapes, since my heart and mind are always venturing somewhere far away from where I am.
A while ago I found Debbie Carlos's website via, yet again, Etsy, and became somewhat enchanted by how blunt her images are. I purchased her Great Land postcard set a couple weeks ago to get my hands on an affordable bit of her art that I can also share with friends. The more I look at her giant cloud and fog posters though, the more drawn to them I am.


Mountain Fog


Pink Clouds

I believe Anabela & Geoff who create Fieldguided put it best recently by calling photos like this "milky pix." I don't think my aesthetic quite falls into milky, but I describe them to my friends as dreamy and ethereal.


Clouds

Now I wish it wasn't rainy and blustery outside, because I want to climb to the top of Vista House in the Gorge and take some photos!

October 5

It is no big secret that I am a complete sap. Behind the put-together exterior I exude lies a very nostalgic, hopelessly romantic girl who is generally caught up in a world far away. I'm coming down with some flu symptoms which has meant watching period dramas or romcoms late into the evening even though I should be sleeping. Romcoms are dangerous territory for me: the hopeless romantic meets the person they waited so patiently to cross paths with after trial and tribulation, generally in a beautiful, lush landscape or town the size of a penny. All that drippy sap makes me think about the last time a place made me swell, northerly and across the pond above the Baltic Sea.

October 2

I'm pretty excited to have finally finished illustrating a vast amount of constellations in our skies - I like things to be precise, so it took a bit to get the proper proportions, but it was worth it.

You can find them in the shop.

September 30

I'm not feeling very well tonight, so instead of being proactive about finishing up some illustrations or taking product photos, I sat around drooling at things on Etsy that I want to buy, or have recently bought and am impatiently awaiting the arrival of.

La Bolsita bag by Scout & Catalogue


Oxford flats by golden ponies
(which I may or may not have ordered a pair of in brown)


Brass triangle necklace by little mountain


Autumn Wreath perfume by Long Winter Farm
(I ordered 7 - yes, 7 - different perfume trials and cannot wait to try them all out! How can you resist apple, cedar, fir, and pie spices rolled into one!?)


Great Lands postcard set by Debbie Carlos
(also on its way to my door...)

Soo, actually the only thing in this group that I don't/won't own is that S&C bag. Hmmmmmm... and to touch more on the Long Winter Farm fragrances, omg seriously listen to a couple of the combinations!
• Hansel: wood, pine sap, and sweet spices
• Meadow: lilac, honeysuckle, new mown hay, grass, honey, and a tiny bit of wild strawberry
If Hansel smells like my grandpa's woodworking shop I am going to lose my shit. I will be so happy. Sawdust is one of my favorite smells.